I didn’t know I needed this song, Common’s God Is Love, as much as I did until halfway through the song I had to put down my fork because my hand was weak and tears were streaming down my face. Even now I have to steady my had to write this.

It’s hard to live here, on this planet. Every bit of news seems to point to how broken, angry, greedy and afraid we are. We’re afraid of each other, of what others believe, of what we believe, or don’t believe, or can’t bring ourselves to believe in anymore. But you know what won’t help? What will kill all our enemies only to circle back and kill those we love and eventually us? Hate. It is a monster you know? Hate doesn’t care on whom it feeds, only that it is fed. I believe it is why Jesus spent so much time teaching us about forgiveness, grace, and mercy while He was here on earth. I think He knows the degree of forgiveness, grace, and mercy others need from us is equivalent to, if not greater than the amount we need from others. The hate that does not get you from the outside will surely destroy you from the inside. So, don’t let it.

“Well, what do we do? Because not hating people and people groups who have openly and aggressively hated me and people who look, act and believe like me for hundreds if not thousands of years seems a tall order. It honestly feels out of my depth, beyond what I am capable of.” It is. Alone I am not capable, not even close. Here is the thing when I choose love even a little bit I am never alone.

1 John 4:7-8, 16-17 New International Version (NIV)

God’s Love and Ours

⁷ Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 

 ¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. ¹⁷ This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus.

Since God is love when I choose it, I choose Him. I am choosing to align myself with the singular most mighty power inside or outside of the universe. Choosing love over hate is merely the beginning of all that God and I can do together.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

*Read 1 John 4 7-17

“We should always choose our books as God chooses our friends, just a bit beyond us, so that we have to do our level best to keep up with them.”

-Oswald Chambers

The thing I love about reading a good book (besides a good boost to my vocabulary), is for the two weeks or four months I’m reading, I get a whole new perspective on life. New insights and ideas, I get a new lenses with which to see the world. Sometimes it is fun and easy and other times it is difficult and slow, but I am a little bit different once I finish. Once I know something I didn’t know before. This is even more true with people, whether I only know them for a day, or I get to learn more about them for twenty eight years, all relationships change you. I am honored by the ones that change me for the better.

I like relationships with people that are a little bit over my head. I love having people in my life who run a little bit faster, love a little bit better, and give a little bit more of themselves than I do. Not for competition, for aspiration.

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.”
Colossians 3:1 NIV

I’ve found that the beauty of these relationships is that even if I don’t see it, these people, these treasures, seem to see something in me that is just a bit over their heads as well. So we spend our time together learning, loving and admiring one another. We go out into the world then return to each a bit emptier and tired only to be filled again, by each other. Filled with something especially powerful, hope. The belief that now that we know there is another level to aspire to there is a chance we one day will. And in the meantime there is someone to love me while I am reaching, right from where I am.

I’ve recently been thinking about how essential community is. In faith, but also in life. I think we have gotten into the habit of locking ourselves behind walls built from phone and computer screens. We want people to see us, but we don’t really want to be seen. But there is so much power in we. It is not some optional idealistic principle, it is the very fabric of humanity, Gen 1:26 and Gen 2:18. Community (we) is the determined joy that peaks through the darkest places. While you are weeping in overwhelming sadness it is we that wraps you in a loving embrace beating back the brokenness with love James 5:16.

Kisses, hugs, high fives, loving looks, laughter these are the gifts of we, because let’s face it, you can do these things on your own, but it isn’t the same. Frankly it’s a little awkward. We makes these actions special, fills them with meaning. Even arguments and frustrations, conflicts and struggle, we as community make them weighty and valuable, because in community the challenges become lessons instead of just hardships.

I joked with a friend the other day that it takes a village to raise a relationship too. It’s true. We always think of relationships in terms of one on one but even relationships that appear to be one on one are deeply affected by other orbiting entities; mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, mentors Roman 12:3-6. All of our relastionships effect our other relationships. We are pratcicing love and patience and kindness every time we witness another human, and we don’t always succeed in our interactions, but the world is full of people who need us exactly as much as we need them. So the least We can do is keep trying to get it right. We need we to be better humans 1 Pet 4:8-11.

Joy

“Joy holds open the door to possible and makes sure everyone sneaks in.” -Abrahams

Deeper than happiness, stronger than pain, more determined than doubt. Teach me to choose and pursue joy this year Lord God, Amen.

Love

“Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.” -1 John 4:20‭-‬21 NIV

The two are linked. I love God when I love my and brother and sister and neighbor. “But that’s so hard! People are mean and messy.” Lord God help me. I am not naturally equipped to love without expecting a lot in return. Please remind me that the gift of love You gave cost me nothing. So, I  should charge nothing when I give it away. Heal my heart, let me be reminded that no matter how many bumps or lumps it takes it is held safely in Your loving hands. Amen.

Peace

“Not just the absence of conflict, true peace requires taking what’s broken and restoring it to wholeness whether in our lives, our relationships or our world.” – The Bible Project

Restored, renewed, whole and complete. Show me how I can be an ambassador of wholeness wherever I go this year, Lord. Help me remember to bring peace with me. Shalom.

Hope

“Hope is the anthem of my soul.” – Switchfoot

The image of hope illustrated as the tension in a cord being pulled tightly sticks with me. To live in that bright anticipation that something wonderful is being revealed, being made, in the quiet of the wait. Knowing, “they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. Selah

Christ 

Courageous rebel, loving friend, Son of man, Son of God, carpenter, King. Lord Jesus while on earth You were fully aware of Your value and completely humble in Your mission. You loved others so well. You were fully present with them,  but You found balance in self-care through solitary prayer. You were bold and brave and quiet and obedient. How do I do that Lord God? How do I live a life that reflects You, a life that is balanced? I want to know more about You. To spend the rest of my life pursuing You, trusting You. Please show me how. Amen.

You cannot be healed of a wound you ignore.

There is a Jason Gray song called The Golden Boy and The Prodigal. In it Jason Gray paints a vivid and striking picture which has remained with me since the first time I heard the song several years ago. The image has rested behind my mind’s eye like a flame after you’ve stared. The image is this; you (or me) as two separate people. The first, the “Golden Boy,” is an illusion of one’s own creation. A carefully constructed clone if you will, manufactured for the purpose of perfection. The second, “The Prodigal” is broken and seemingly weak. Weathered by life, sin, shame, and heartbreak this version is the picture of need but is painfully and acutely aware of his/her need.

Gray describes it like this…

“One of them’s the Golden Boy, the man I’d like to be

I show him off in the parades for all the world to see

The other is other is much weaker and he stumbles all the time

The source of my embarrassment he’s the one I try to hide.”

I think I met my Prodigal a few weeks ago. Unable to stand being locked away and kept quiet for another moment I met her briefly in a haze of screams and thrashing, a temper tantrum. I think that’s how I recognized her, you see everything about my Golden Gal is contrived and calculated. Her approach to anger uses words and strategy (and not always for good), but this was different. Even in my wildness, there was simplicity. What I think my Prodigal wanted was to be heard, to be remembered.

“I’m not easy with confessions

It’s hard to tell the truth

But I have favored the golden boy

While the other I’ve abused

And he takes it like a man

Though he’s longing like a child

To be loved and forgiven

And share the burden for a while”

This part of me that I had locked away is where all the hurt lives. She is where all the pain and frustration and most of the loneliness lives. So if I truly want to be healed, or delivered or sanctified bringing the Golden Gal does me no good, she’s only an illusion, an essence of the things I wish I was.

Perhaps you’re having trouble with that too, “God I thought I was healed or delivered from that hurt or pain, why is it still plaguing me?” Now, some wounds go deep so it is possible that like other treatments you may need another round. However, it may be possible that when you came to be delivered the first time you didn’t send the version of yourself that really needed the deliverance. Perhaps you sent a proxy instead. When you go to church on Sunday or on your knees to pray each day is it the Golden Boy or The Prodigal you send? Here is a hint: were your prayers flowery and minty fresh? Were you more concerned with hiding your tears than crying them? Were you more concerned with your, or other people’s, pitch than God’s presence during worship? If so you may be sending the wrong version of you to serve. The Golden Boy believes he is already righteous because of all he does, but The Prodigal knows he is not for the same reason.

Why is it that when we see a child stumble and fall, or make a mistake we are quick to show grace and kindness, but when it comes to ourselves we are mean, spiteful and harsh? Would it help to know that God sees us the way we see those children? When I think about my younger cousins and how I have watched them grow, I think of all the times I have seen them fall. Sometimes they pop back up, but sometimes they rush to me or I rush to them and they sink into my arms wailing and we stay there for a few minutes. Either way, once they cry it out what happens more often than not is they immediately want to go back to playing. When I see this I’m not thinking “that’s stupid” or “irresponsible” or even “naive.” What I am thinking is “That is brave.” If I can believe that of a three-year-old and an eleven-year-old, why can’t I believe it of myself?

My oldest cousin is beginning those pre-pre-teen years and I can see, now that I’m on this side of that, how much of a struggle that time can be. You are trying to declare independence without a real understanding of what you want to be independent of or for. I’ve noticed there are lots of uncharacteristic moments. Moments when both she and I are wondering who she is in that moment of rebellion, or exhaustion, or hunger. But what the Holy Spirit has been reminding me of lately is that what we do is not who we are. Somewhere buried under that frustrating action is someone I know and love very much. That helps me defend her, defend us against my own anger. It helps me let go and move forward so we can start fresh.

Now why, if I am able to do that with an eleven-year-old is it so difficult for me to do that for myself? Even now when I know how God sees me. I know that He loves me, that there is nothing I can do to undo the life-saving gift of grace Jesus gave me, but the temptation of an adult is to make everything more complicated.

It is, and always has been as simple as the scenario above. I fall or rebel, I run to my loving Father tell Him about my hurt, mistake or recklessness. Sometimes a simple “you’re okay,” from Him may be enough, but maybe sometimes I’ll need to sit in that hug a bit longer. To soak up that forgiveness, grace, love, and comfort. Then I’ll have to be brave enough to run back out into the world, the one that just hurt me or that I just hurt, and go play again. Go live life to the fullest again confident in the gifts of grace I’ve just received. Simple as that.

I think about David when I think about the subject of grace. He messed up a lot, but he always apologized to God. No matter how big or small the offense. He always acted in obedience to get right with God again. It doesn’t mean there weren’t consequences, there always are, but for humans knowing we are forgiven, that we still matter to God, it changes us in very rich and lasting ways. I think of Peter after being accepted three times after his three denials of Jesus or any of the people in the bible who were healed with the words “you are forgiven.” Grace changed these people on a cellular level, and I believe it does the same for us. So let’s show ourselves some.

“The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Amen.” Rev 22:21

I love God’s amazing sense of humor. I visited a friend in New Mexico a few weeks ago and on the flight, I watched a documentary on Fred Rogers Won’t You be my Neighbor. Such an amazing story of a life well lived. His life, to me, seemed so full and anchored in God’s love, for children specifically, but really for everyone. He was a true neighbor.

God must have wanted to prepare my heart for the neighborly kindness I was about to experience in Las Cruces New Mexico. First, the friend I was visiting so beautifully models the heart of the good Samaritan.  She doesn’t just host you she lavishes love, good food, conversation, and thoughtfulness on you. It became so apparent to me after my first night there that she had finally moved to a city full of “her people.” Dogs playing together, considerate engaging weight staff, fast friends in our fellow restaurant goers. I walked away from that first meal with new friends, a new perspective, and a satisfied tummy.

Everywhere I went I was greeted with smiles and politeness. But it was more than that, there was a genuine openness. For me, there was this sense that the people of Las Cruses sincerely wanted to make each other’s lives better. They care. That blew my mind, I think because I am from the South I assumed I was already getting neighborly affection. It wasn’t until I experienced the host at a delicious breakfast spot, Taste of Belgium, pointing out a slight incline in the floor to me as he walked me to my table that I began to recognize what I had been missing. My friend described it this way:

Ina, when people here ask how you are they don’t want the stock answer. They really want to know how you are. I would say something like “Oh, I’m just a little tired,” and someone would answer “Oh really, what’s going on?”

She said it even threw her off a bit at first, and I get it. We are all so used to editing our reports for conversational Cliff’s Notes, and now all of a sudden there are people who truly want to check in. These strangers want to be my neighbors. I’m not sure if there are words for how amazing that feels. And I believe this is why…

I believe all of humanity, all living breathing things want to be known. And when you take that extra five minutes to look someone in the eye, smile or listen to them you are actually communicating “I see you and acknowledge your value.” That means you have the power to affirm someone every time you make eye contact. What a tremendous superpower! I can hear the sensible reasoning mind now “But if I take five minutes with every person I meet I will never accomplish anything.” To which I would respond “Come on, you’re more creative than that.” In our efforts to become more neighborly here are three things worth remembering:

1. In the race against time don’t forget that in your pursuit to change the world people are unavoidable. Loving people is how you change the world. If you’re unwilling to make time for it I think you have to ask yourself if changing the world for the better is really your goal.
2. Quality, not quantity. I know this goes against everything we are taught in America, but especially when it comes to relationships it is so very true. No one in your life wants to feel like a checkmark on your “who to love” checklist. When you are with someone be with them whether it’s the mailperson, your spouse, or your co-worker be present. Trust me, three minutes of undivided attention is worth so much more than three hours of watching someone text and email. The people in your life don’t want your schedule, they want you.
3. Intimacy requires honesty. If you can’t do something admit it. If someone says they can’t do something accept it. I would prefer a frank yet uncomfortable conversation over an awkward and uncomfortable silence.

I was singing a worship song in service a few months back, O Come to the Alter, and I felt so blessed by God’s presence, so acutely aware of the truth of the words I was singing that when the song ended my lips were quivering, I had so much energy I couldn’t stop moving, and I was crying.

After service, a church mate came up said she thought I might need a hug. Now, I am never one to turn down a sincere hug, especially post worship service, but it gave me a moment’s pause because I wondered if she thought I was crying because I was sad or overwhelmed by a particular situation. In that moment, of course, I couldn’t really process what I felt , but the feeling lingered all day.

What I couldn’t find a way to say at that moment was, I was overwhelmed, but only by God’s very real presence in that moment. I had gone into to service that day with a mind full of prayer requests and concerns. My brain was full of to do lists and responsibilities, but for those 3-4 minutes while I was singing about God’s greatness He was the only thing filling my mind. Nothing was more important, more worthy of my attention. The truth of those words I sang forced everything else out.

Oh what a Savior

Isn’t He wonderful

Sing allelujah

Christ is risen

Bow down before Him

For He is Lord of all

Sing Allelujah

Christ is risen

What a magnificent truth! Of course, there was no room for worry with thoughts like these. And the tears? They were just proof of what was being forced out. They were not sad tears, but tears of relief, tears of awe, tears of excitement. And the wonderful thing about tears is that they can do all of that. Did you know that tears of joy or release are chemically different than tears of sadness or anger? They are made of different stuff, and yet somehow we place them all in one big pile of discomfort. Tears get a bad rap but praise God as a collector of our tears (see Psalm 56:8) He knows the specific expression and chemical makeup of every tear we cry. He knows how precious they are and how much of who we truly are and what we truly want is wrapped up in each one. He knows. So we don’t have to fear them. Man, woman, child, happy or sad, seasoned saint or spiritual novice your tears matter to God, so don’t be afraid to cry them.

I’ve been listening to all The Bible Project podcasts, from the beginning. I saw their video series titled The Wisdom Series and was so blown away I wanted to learn more. So I started listening to the podcasts and quickly happened upon The Heaven and Earth Series, or was on purpose, led there (thank you, Papa)! One of the concepts explored in the series is that heaven isn’t a place above us, or somewhere we only get to go in the future, but that the kingdom of God is actually all around us right now. I imagined not a place in the sky where we one day go, but a sort of an interdimensional layer that is all around us all the time, where our connection to God is strongest. For the sake of accuracy of conversation, I am going to leave the theological arguments to the scholar. However, I do intend to stick to what I know best, imagination. 

When I first started hearing about this idea I thought about The Flash. “Of course you did Ina, you’re a nerd,” Thank you! And yes, I am. Go with me here. There is this concept explored in the storyline of The Flash of metahumans that can travel from one place to another using pocket dimensions. How do I explain this? Well, I suppose it is not very far from the ideas presented in A Wrinkle in Time; between time and space, there are dimensions that only individuals who can travel through both could see. My understanding is that these places or pockets exist all around us anyway, but if you are not gifted with the ability to travel through these dimensions you have no way to be aware of them let alone move freely in and out of them. But let’s say for argument’s sake that there were some force or source inside certain pocket dimensions that is so intrinsically linked to your being that even without an awareness of pocket dimensions when you pass one, you feel something. That’s the point, here is the picture; you walk into a church and unconsciously bow your head, you come to the peak of a mountain and without thinking close your eyes and breath deeply,  your child is born, or you wake up to your spouse and a peace you can’t explain washes over you. What if what you are experiencing is the pocket dimension of heaven? In other words, a little bit of heaven leaking through to earth. That question is followed by another, what if heaven/the kingdom of God was, is and will be here taking up the same space as earth already. Not in the brokenness of humans or the evil that very obviously hangs around, but in pocket dimensions we can’t quite see (yet), but we strongly sense are there.

Perhaps the gift of our salvation is the power of being able to enter these dimensions even if only for a moment and then come back and assure the rest of the world that those feelings they get when they pass pocket dimensions of heaven are based on something very real. Maybe the promise of Revelation is that ultimately through Jesus, God will reach into these dimensions and draw out the kingdom of God like an elastic curtain or veil and stretch the perfection of those dimensions over the brokenness of this one. Creating a new world that we sensed all along was there, but could never have imagined fully. What if?

*Please note I claim no theological accuracy, only an openness of mind and encouragement of questions.

Live long, prosper.

Ina

I quit my job. In May I prayerfully decided it was time for me to boldly pursue God wherever He wanted to take me next. Thankfully that next place was Barefoot, and for two months I had the most wonderful experiences with the most loving people. It was beyond anything I could ever have hoped, dreamed or imagined. Then I came home. And the house was quiet and familiar, and my schedule was clear, and there were no real pressing tasks outside of things that could be finished within a few days. You know, basic things; pay bills, clean the house, grocery shop.

Before I got home I was too busy to think about how much time I was going to have on my hands. All the moments I would have to rest and think. I already have to be very intentional about my thought life anyway. As a writer, my active imagination can get me in lots of trouble (see Writing to Save My Mind). There are three temptations that usually come with this kind of time-wealth:

1. The temptation to fill the time, instead of letting God fill it.
2. The temptation to worry.
3. The temptation to time travel.

The danger of filling time myself is that I will miss out. When I go where God sends me instead of where I want to go there is always righteous work for me. Always someone I needed or someone who needed me, always some question that got answered or needs that were satisfied. Always some miracle I would have missed if I weren’t present in the now with Him. When I am not obedient, or when I am too “busy” to heed God’s call all that treasure passes me by.

Worry is pretty basic, humans do it like all the time, and for women, unfortunately, I have noticed it can kind of be a default setting; “What am I feeding everyone for dinner,” “How much money do I have saved? Is it enough?” Or those “If only” or “What if worries; “If only I were dating,” or “What if no one ever wants to date me?” They get in the way because while I’m obsessing over what could happen I am missing what is happening, right now. Even if it is just a butterfly in my backyard or a puppy licking up a spilled ice cream cone, either are infinitely better than the darkness of worry. And those things, unlike the worry, are real.

Time travel is a little different, still a form of worrying but much more creative. It basically means you get trapped in your mind about the past, or in some imagined scenario of the future. Both are dangerous and equally unproductive. They are both a misuse of your imagination. If you’re going to dream, dream into the light. Hope. Believe. Trust. Then, of course, write it down. That’s actually a good test. If the scenarios in your mind or the memories flashing behind your eyelids are not something you would want to write down and read every day for inspiration then they probably aren’t worth thinking either. 

I am finding, with a great deal of help from the Holy Spirit, that the only way to heartily beat all of these internal foes is by planting myself firmly in the now. Giving myself permission to enjoy the now. Even if it isn’t particularly glamorous it is real, and it is mine. Here are 5 things I do to help myself honor the gift of right now:

1. Remind yourself where you really are, ex. in my room, typing rhythmically, happy, content and a little hungry.
2. Give yourself some small tasks. Easy, manageable goals.
   • Be present while you complete them. Don’t waste time wishing you were doing something else. Find a way to enjoy the work.
   • Check them off as you complete them.
3. Mandate yourself to look up from those tasks every once in a while. Look around the room, step outside and look at the sky, the trees, the grass. 
4. Travel. It doesn’t always have to be far and you don’t have to go broke doing it, but if you have friends or family in a different city, pay them a visit. Sit in a new environment, have a new conversation, see old friends in a new way, because like I mentioned before new places bring a new perspective.
5. Pray out loud how grateful you are for this moment in time and your surroundings, even if I don’t feel particularly grateful at the beginning of these prayers I have found that by the end wells of gratitude miraculously spring up.

So that’s it. A brief summary of the tremendous gifts I’ve been given this summer. I hope each post was a blessing to you and I pray you will join me for more future reflections. Until the next Friday…

Live well, love well,

Ina