Ina Williams is an Atlanta-based writer whose work is a reflection of her open heart and unique humor. In everything she creates there is evidence of a curious mind exploring the nature of the human heart.
The day before they had jeered, insulted and pleaded for the death of a man who they were at least suspicious, if not completely convinced, of being a fraud. But then something had felt so off about the whole thing.
During the trial, the walk to Golgotha, even being nailed to the cross, he had not resisted. He didn’t fight back or argue, in fact he didn’t say much of anything. When he did speak it was of forgiveness and with kindness. That was unsettling enough, it is difficult to hate someone who refuses to hate you back. But then at noon the earth was dark, for three whole hours! Coincidental weather phenomena? Then, what about the earthquake, or the fact that he did die after saying “Father, into your hands I commend my spirit?” Or what about the torn veil in the temple.
By now even if they can’t admit they believe Jesus was who he said he was, they would begin to feel that something truly “weird” or other-worldly happened yesterday. Something they couldn’t explain or even understand. Maybe, by now, they are starting to feel… bad. To be more specific, they feel sorry. The words of the criminal to the left of Jesus are starting to poke at their heart, “we deserve to die, but he has done nothing wrong.” And if they don’t ignore that remorse, if they acknowledge the conviction, it may bring them to another conclusion: “my remorse and sorrow can do absolutely nothing to change what happened.”
He still died a death they instigated, his mother and followers still had to watch as they mocked him while he suffocated to death in front of them all. Their choices still have consequences, and their “sorry” won’t change that.
But…
It might change them. If they truly, sincerely repent for what they did, wouldn’t it mean they could be different, make different choices, chose different friends and priorities? Hadn’t Jesus even prayed that for them? As if he knew they would need it. As if they knew they would want it. “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.“
Perhaps because of the conviction and sorrow they are beginning to know. Yesterday they had been ignorant and full of folly and recklessness, but today they have been humbled. Now, all they have are questions, remorse and conviction to repent. Is that enough? For an abuser, accuser, ingrate, mocker and murder like them? When the consequence is so dire and the damage is already done, is there hope for someone like them? Someone like me?
A few months ago, I was struck by how much Lecrae’s song Broke resonated with me. It made me realize that God is teaching me some truly amazing lessons through seasons of lack, and I don’t want to miss any of it.
Crumbs with God Over a Feast Without Him In my relationship with God, trust is a lesson I keep coming back to. This time, however, I’m beginning to understand that it’s not enough to trust God with my “what”—I must also trust Him with the “how,” “when,” “where,” and “who.” It’s not enough to believe that God will bless me; I must believe that whether I can see it or not, whether it makes sense to me or not, He will finish what He starts His way. To trust Him means to trust His will, His way, and His timing. I surrender all. (Isaiah 55:8)
Trash to Treasure Lack has opened my eyes to everything I already have. Meals taste more delicious, and gifts feel more precious. Suddenly, lemon rinds become household cleaner, and the base of my lettuce becomes part of my garden. There is potential abundance everywhere, and I get to be a part of it. (1 Kings 4:1-7)
An Ear for Ungratefulness Sometimes, I don’t realize there’s ungratefulness in my heart until I hear it coming out of my mouth. Lack has been tuning my ear to it. Now, when I hear it, I can stop it and adjust the posture of my heart more quickly. (Psalm 42:5-8)
Trust With Little God is trusting me with lack. Will I trust Him for my everyday abundance? It is a gift to be trusted by God, but His kingdom is upside down. While I’d like to be trusted with a million dollars, I’ve come to embrace it when God hands me a hundred instead and trusts me to steward that well. As I trust Him, I begin to see that He’s not just helping me steward the money well, but also the heart that receives it. Through lack, I’m learning to trust Him to do what He will with both my resources and my heart. (Matthew 6:9-15)
Trust With Much When I learn how to manage a hundred dollars, I’m also learning how to manage a million. The trouble comes when I forget what I’ve learned. If I remember that I would rather be with God, that trash can still become treasure, that I need to check my heart and mouth for ungratefulness, and that God is trusting me with what I have, then I am far more likely steward that million dollars well. (Luke 16:1-14)
Raise your hand if you knew Administration was a spiritual gift. I didn’t know until I took a quiz on spiritual gifts. Want to know my top 5?
Administration
Teaching
Faith
Helps
Mercy
Now what is interesting is that when I took this quiz a couple of years ago this information was nice and even encouraging, but I had no real context for what it meant for my everyday life. Cut to two years later and I’m writing an article about a job that I basically invented myself, and I can trace God’s foot and fingerprints all over this job as it relates to these spiritual gifts. I promise I did not adjust this order at all, but look at the order of the gifts (listed in order of dominance), and the order of my list from my article 5 Signs You Might be a CSE:
Administration- Google Workspace is your love language.
Teaching- You always have a suggestion on how to make something better.
Faith- You feel like you won a gold medal when someone tells you your advice on how to make something easier really worked.
Helps- Your favorite part of the meeting is the “Next Steps.”
Mercy- You like people more than systems.
Wow!
Because of my nature I tend to compartmentalize quite a bit (that is its own form of organization), but in moments like this I see God come alive in my story. Connecting all the dots, letting nothing go to waste, and that is exciting to me. It means he cares about what I think, feel, believe and desire. It empowers me to take one more step in faith, believing that where he is taking me is where I was always meant to go.
Ask questions– You are allowed to advocate for yourself. Ask lots of questions, there is no such thing as too many. And despite popular belief doctors do not know everything. If your doctor doesn’t have an answer perhaps another one will. Or maybe you have access to a health-care professional in your family. I’d steer clear of internet diagnoses but ask the professionals if they know of any vetted resources. It is okay to take time to organize your thoughts, but make time to circle back if something still feels unsettling or confusing to you. You are allowed to know what is going on with your own body.
Give yourself time to prepare– New health updates can be scary and overwhelming. Give yourself a minute to process what you are feeling. A shower, a bath, a walk. Take a moment to feel your feelings. God is not rocked by your anger, he is not shaken by your fear. He sees all, knows all, and still answers prayers. Need proof. Read Psalms.
Prepare yourself– I learned in this season that organization is both my love language and my coping mechanism. I like the structure. I like a plan. Even if the plan changes I like at least attempting to be part of the solution. God can tell me how much is too much, but it at least gives my hands something to do besides tremble.
Prepare your village– So, it turns you are not the only one feeling overwhelmed and lost, the people who love you feel the same. They want to help, but they don’t know how. Good thing you already started preparing yourself. Now you can use those lists and plans to help your village understand what you need from them. Did you know you can make a registry for your surgery? I put everything on mine; Miralx and Powerade for pre-surgery and comfy clothes and specialty pillows for post-surgery. Then I sent everyone the link. Even if they couldn’t purchase the items they could send me the money. I didn’t need to shop around because I already had the registry! I assigned people to get me to and from the hospital and sent what they needed to know to prepare. Take your time. You don’t have to do everything at once. Tackle one thing today and another tomorrow.
Read the bold and fine print– When you get scheduled for surgery you are going to get LOADS of paperwork. You do not have to read it all at once, but intentionally make time to read all of it. I know… so much paper. But honestly I felt so much more equipped after reading through everything the doctor and the hospital sent me. Specifically my doctor. I think the document she sent me was twenty eight pages long I did half one day and half another. I took notes wrote down questions, that way when I had my appointment I could get answers and clarification. I even asked her about my post-op-care regime. I see an acupuncturist as well and she had a list of things that she wanted me to do post surgery to maximize healing and avoid future issues. Because I had spoken to them both I could describe the treatments and get clarity on the best way to move forward with both doctor’s treatments.
Pray– I feel like my prayer life changed during this process. I think it is because my view of myself changed. Suddenly, I really was small and vulnerable. I really did need help from the people around me for everything. That return to childhood was a beautiful reminder that I am still a child of God. At that moment the need was obvious, but even when it isn’t the need still exists. The need to be seen, heard, loved, treated with tenderness and kindness. Healing made me see how undeniable those needs are.
Healing on the inside is just as important as healing on the outside– The thing about laparoscopic surgery is that ninety percent of what you are healing is on the inside of your body. The temptation is to believe that when those few incisions on your torso are healed you are healed as well. Falsehood. Those where the surface wounds, of course they healed fast. The real work, the real wounds are inside. It struck me how true this is of emotional work as well. You got your triggers under control, you polished up the old mask, you found a few new coping mechanisms, so the surface wounds seem under control. But the surface wounds are not the problem. Those are the things you can temper with a cup of tea and a good conversation with a friend. The inside work takes longer to heal and requires some radical and revolutionary tactics. Remember, therapy is dope.
Overconfidence-Don’t pull a stitch. As I said in the last point. Don’t be deceived by what you see. The bandages are off, the scars look simple and small now, but remember there are stitches inside as well. And since you can’t see them it’s better to treat yourself with gentle patience than to rush things and end up hurting yourself irreparably. Go slow. Be gentle. Treat yourself like your favorite baby cousin, niece, or nephew.
Sleep– It seems obvious if you’re healing. Duh. But it is so tempting to push yourself. What I got really good at during those early days of recovery was letting myself fall into naps. Wherever I was, whatever I was doing I just let myself sleep. Even if it was only for ten or fifteen minutes. My best friend said this thing once and it changed my life “Sleep begets sleep.” WHAT?! That’s genius. Take naps, they help you get better rest at night. Now, you need to learn what works best for your body. If your bedtime is 8-10pm a 5pm nap is probably a bad idea, unless you’re just going to sleep early, but give yourself permission to sleep often. Ladies this is specifically for you. In general men usually only need a place to sleep, while women generally needs the accomplishment of a completed task list to sleep soundly. But it’s a conspiracy ladies. Task lists only grow, they don’t get shorter. Sleep so you can take on that list like the boss you are.
Rest– Yes, sleep is different than rest. Sitting in one place while catching up on email, making phone calls, and even scrolling through TikTok is actually not rest. I know. But if your eyes or mind feel tired after doing it, then it probably isn’t restful. Rest is that pleasant pause after exertion. So, that sigh you feel after a walk or the stillness after you stretch, those are rest. Sit with your favorite beverage and take in a view. Journal for a bit. Let your mind wander and your imagination roam like when you were a kid. Meditate. Pray. Even if it is only for ten to fifteen minutes each day allow yourself to rest.
Activate– You are learning something in this time of healing. Use what you are learning. Take walks, move, wander, keep a dream/idea journal. Do something. It doesn’t have to be something big, in fact right now it is better if it is something small.
Your body really does want to work the right way, maybe it just needs some help– As I began to heal I realized how much I had healed. I kept thinking to myself, “Oh, Ina you really didn’t feel good, huh?” And I could tell because of how much better I feel now. I realized sickness is really a signal your body sends to say “Hey me, I’m not okay.” Your body really wants to be healthy. It really wants to operate at full capacity, but sometimes it just can’t. When it can’t it is my job to be patient and kind to me. To ask myself what is wrong, and to seek out the resources to help me get better. No one should be punished for their sickness or made to feel weak or small because of it. No one, including me (she said to every black woman ever).
Praise/Worship/Reflect (it’s a little circle)– Here is how I think about it, praise is the outward expression of my gratitude and love for God, it starts out and seeps in. Worship is my internal response to God’s presence and character, it starts inward and flows out. Reflection is my meditation on the culmination of all these things, it is a little whirlwind that starts inward and stays inward. I often think of the places in scripture where it says Mary treasured or pondered a thing in her heart. That is how I think of reflection. It’s like I was collecting things little by little, just because I liked the look of them, only to find out they were all small pieces of a bigger something when fit together. Get excited for those moments in this season of healing. The “ahas” and the “that’s what you meant God” moments. They are my favorite part of blessings, the reveal. And you only find them when you reflect.
This memorial day it strikes me, more than it ever has, how complicated this holiday is for people of color. The grief of having lost people you love in war, and the double grief of knowing they gave their lives for a country that did not acknowledge them, or their sacrifice. Not only did people of color go without the benefits and access that white soldiers did, but it was also against policy to even acknowledge valiant acts of courage with medals and recognition. So, by the time these wrongs were corrected, we couldn’t even retroactively celebrate, because we had never learned their names in the first place.
Yesterday, while I sat in the church I was visiting, as the congregation sang the first “hymn” of the day America the Beautiful, it occurred to me how impossible it must feel to those who take so much pride in this day, and in this country, that there are those who experience this day in such a different way. John 15:13 was one of the scriptures mentioned in yesterday’s service. And as I sat feeling uneasy about pledging my allegiance to a flag that represented so much double loss to me, I felt the Holy Spirit press Romans 5:8 into my heart and mind:
We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.
Selah.
That is what Jesus did for us. With no acknowledgement, for people who admittedly hated Him, He voluntarily gave His life.
We are seen, we are heard, we are loved. All of us. Whether we absolutely love this holiday, or we are deeply triggered by it. God sees us, and He calls us to see each other. To celebrate and mourn with each other. To step outside of what makes us comfortable so that we can enter what is true. That is the church.
14 For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, 15 by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, 16 and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. 17 He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. 18 For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.
3 Saturday struggled with whether or not I did a good job leading Hillsong small groups. Discovered trigger around imposter syndrome.
4 Sunday woke up to the realization of some childhood trauma I had been blocking out for a very long time. Cried a lot. Skipped church. Slept a lot. Did my Come Alive homework. Continued to process my trauma, triggers, and feeling (still processing while typing this).
5 Tuesday came home to the news that a family member who frequents our house tested positive for covid. Scrambled to find free testing. Went to sleep. “I’ll figure it out tomorrow.”
6 Wednesday woke and pieced together info with my aunt to find covid testing. Booked appointments for my sister and I while my aunt took care of herself and my younger cousin.
6a Volunteered to take my cousin, the high school freshman, to school because she had a test. Needed to get her there on time (in 15 minutes). Found that traffic on 75/85 North had other plans. Dropped her off, about 25 minutes late.
6b Went home, changed clothes, grabbed lunch, picked up my sister and headed out for Covid testing. Arrived early and asked if we could go ahead with our appointments, staff obliged. Finished quickly, grabbed breakfast. Took her to school downtown.
6c Trusting that my test was already negative, drove towards work. Stopped to get some gas. Parked in the lot at work. God said take a nap. I did. It was wonderful. Called to see if my results were in. They were; negatives all around!
6d On the way home from work my car started roaring at me. Turned onto a residential street, the lights in the car started blinking and the car wouldn’t accelerate. Pulled over and turn the car off. Called roadside assistance, they assigned a driver (about 30 minutes later). ETA for the driver…84 minutes. Watched some k drama on my phone. Logged on to Hillsong small groups. Noticed my phone battery was no longer charging. Logged out of the Hillsong small group. Called and ask my aunt to come get me. Tried hard to ignore my bladder.
6e 84 minutes lapse, still no tow truck. Bladder now refuses to be ignored head back home in my aunt’s car while she waits with my car. Insurance company calls to see if my need was met I tell them it wasn’t, but that my aunt sees a truck on the street that might be them. Ask them to call back in 15 minutes to confirm. It was not the truck and they did not call to confirm.
6f 9:30pm, three hours after my car stopped, not only has the truck not arrived and no additional info been given about when it will, but now the tow company is not even answering the phone. My aunt tells me to call a company myself. I cancel the roadside “assistance.” The new company arrives in the allotted time, tow the car to my house, my aunt pays for the tow and at 10:36pm I enter my bedroom tired, somewhat shell-shocked and very relieved the day is done.
1 Little did I know this message was preparing me for what was ahead, helping me gain the right perspective.
2 The two questions I asked groups to answer on Wednesday would become my markers and guide posts moving forward. “Where did you observe chaos?” “Where do you feel God poking you in that chaos?”
3 Discovered the deep and impressive value of triggers. I am certain exploring that twinge of discomfort I felt throughout the week lead me to discovering the bigger pain underneath, the childhood trauma. I had strategically built walls around it to protect myself and others.
4 Pain is hard, but discovering he truth of what is at the root of it is so freeing. I am gaining this whole knew perspective on my behaviors now that I know what prompted or triggered them. I am in progress in healing, but the journey began with the single step of facing pain. Praise God!
5 &6 Truth, I really only knew one way to go about getting tested for Covid because it was the only way I had ever used. Thanks to that scramble I discovered a great new urgent care clinic with helpful staff and in a very cool area.
6a The answer I gave in the small group to the question, “Where is God poking you in the chaos,” was knowing that I don’t have to fix it. Wooo! I still feel the Selah in my Spirit as I type that. What I realized while I was sitting in that very God-ordained traffic was that no one asked me to jump up and take my cousin. This was another instance of me trying to take control and fix the chaos. But I don’t have to do that, because God creates out of chaos. I, am what’s being created. Amen.
6b Got some quality time with my sister. We had some breakfast together and I got the gift of being able to drop her off for one of her first college courses.
6c Got gas. Got to relax before heading in for a half day of work. God gifted me with the instruction to take a nap. I, like so many people, am always ready to fill every moment of my time with either work or distractions. So often what I really need is rest, more specifically sleep. I felt like a true ancestor of my great grandfather Elijah, eat then sleep. And just like him when I woke there was an answer waiting for me.
6d I got the opportunity to see true “neighbors.” A gentleman stopped to ask if I needed help. Members of the community offered us everything from water to their driveways if we needed to park, and their muscles if we needed help pulling the car in. It was the “right place” to be stopped.
6e & 6f I got some quality time with my six year old cousin that I know I would not have taken if we had been at home and in our own spaces. We played tick-tac-toe and watched so Phineas and Ferb (which I highly recommend if you’re having a stressful day). It was simple, sweet and somehow, I believe, exactly what we both needed in that moment.
I also got to connect with a new friend in a way I had not before. Sending her updates having her respond and pray for me, it opened the door for a new type of friendship (work friends vs coffee friends vs friends friends). Because I shared and was vulnerable I gave room for our friendship to grow.
All in all this week of adventure turned into one of the best and most rewarding weeks of my life all because my view of chaos, pain and God are being renewed and cultivated. It is a gift to be able to see the storm and instead of running or hiding to have the peace, perspective and posture to say “Oh Papa! There You are!”
As I read Psalm 22 this morning it struck me, acutely, that these are the sufferings of Jesus written at least a century before He would ever feel them. Of course, He knew, He is Himself the Word of God, but reading this scripture this lament that is pouring from the mouth of one of His ancestors I began to understand more deeply the gravity of what Jesus did. The cry in Psalm 22 is different from just knowing a thing will occur, this is a memory before the thing has even occurred. A memory that could very honestly give PTSD to even the bravest soldier and here Jesus is bearing the weight of it before He is even born. Sharing this tremendous burden with an ancestor through prophecy. All of that is God enough, but then there is this – He still came. Knowing what it would cost Him, knowing the monsters the very people He came to save would emulate, knowing the depth of the hunger, thirst, pain, and loneliness He came anyway. He came willingly.
It changes the scene of the prayer in Gethsemene for me. Suddenly the scene is so much more desperate as the memories of the prophecy of Psalms 22 come flooding back. His best friends literally falling asleep on the job only serving to further foreshadow the imminent betrayals and brutality. And He still went, willingly. Because it was His Father’s will.
It is for us, but not because of us Jesus went to be crucified. As purpose itself, He knew His Father’s dream/plan/promise was only fulfilled when He completed what was written and so He went. Yes, for us but because of His Father, our Father…
Who art in heaven Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us
And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory
As long as there is faith the size of a mustard seed in your heart you are a believer. But just as that mustard seed cannot grow of its own accord nor can your faith, you are not equipped to cultivate your faith on your own either. The loving and lovely thing about Christianity is that I cannot accomplish it without Christ. The whole thing falls apart in the heart of a human without God to hold it together. So we both get what we desire more than anything, relationship.
God does not punish me for my unbelief. In fact, His greatest desire is for me to bring those questions and doubt to Him. To let Him be the one that answers, not my friends, because like with Job they may mean well but have absolutely no clue what they are talking about (See Job 1, 4, 8, 11, 15, 18, 20, 22, 25, 32, 38). Like with Thomas He is the only cure for my unbelief (See John 20:24-27). And it is so like Him to take my foggy mist of doubt and carve it into a very clear cloud, shaped just like Him.
Heavenly Father in this season of questions, doubt and confusion please draw me closer. I choose now to draw closer to You. May this temporary fog bring You more glory as it causes me to reach for Your hand and sharpen my other senses. If I am unable to hear You may I see Your mighty power at work everywhere. If I am unable to see Your magnificence help me feel Your love and grace more keenly than I ever have in my life. Please use this time to reset me, renew, restore, revive me. “Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me...” Sculpt my fog so that I recognize Your presence in it, in Jesus name I pray, Amen.
So, I am in this season of preparation for purposeful dating. It wasn’t until the third day of my fast that I realized that the thing that prompted me to take this so seriously wasn’t loneliness. While listening to a sermon by Steven Furtick called Fix Your Focus I realized that what really moved me to make some drastic moves was the fact that I have successfully buried my loneliness by filling all my time up with me. I certainly wasn’t lonely anymore but boy, are people starting to annoy me. I mean when you’re out in public or at work and you’re thinking “I foreal can’t wait to be at home in my pajamas watching something,” it may be a sign that you really like alone time, or it may be a sign that you’re uncomfortable living among other humans. But that is exactly where God does some of His best work, among people. Is my willingness to miss out on connection easier because I am ignoring my need for others; my loneliness?
Our greatest treasures are found in relationships with others, and I’m not even talking about dating relationships; friends, family, strangers. There is a little piece of God hidden in each of us and the only way we get that part is if we seek it out in each other. This is the purpose of loneliness, not to taunt us for being alone or make us feel guilty for choosing work. Loneliness is simply a sign of lack, like hunger, sleepiness or pain. It shows us when we are going without something not only our body, but our being needs. I lack connection to other humans and the strength that the challenges of those relationships afford me. Even if I have taught myself to ignore that warning, the lack doesn’t go away. In fact, I’ve found that it intensifies and all the practice I used to have getting to know new people feels temporarily lost to me.
I think that’s how I landed here. There is this Andy Mineo song called I Don’t Need You that I keep listening to and seventy-five percent of the time I end up crying by the end of the song (sometimes a tear or two, sometimes an ugly cry), but it’s because the sentiment resonates so loudly inside of me:
“I don’t need you no,
Reject me I reject harder,
I don’t need you no,
Act unbothered gimme that Oscar…”
In fact, there is this part of the song where he is trying so hard to convince himself that he is, in fact, an island that he works himself into a frenzy screaming “I don’t need you!” There’s a pause, a breath, then he gently admits not only that he needs others, but how much he needs them. The song ends like this:
“I always said I ain’t need you,
I always thought it was true,
I don’t need nobody,
Dang, maybe I do.”
That truth, that realization it cracks my heart open like a walnut every time. The current lack is not a forecast of future lack or worse, forever lack. But that was my fear, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. That letting others in is like giving people permission to hurt me. And not in big ways, the big ways for me have been easier to release because they are so easy to see. Those small ways though; the unreturned phone calls, being stood up, the “I can’t make it” texts, the teasing, the pulling and pushing away, the judging, the mistakes. Loving people is hard. But when you are hungry how long can you go without eating? Even if you’re a master faster like Ceasar Chavez or Gandhi eventually you eat or you die. It isn’t different for our souls. How long will you continue to dull your senses, lying to yourself claiming that you don’t need something that you obviously do? How long before you…eat?
I just finished watching The Bible Project’s video study on Matthew and the phrase or concept that landed like a flippled water bottle in my head is “The Upside Down Kingdom.” It’s this idea of the world’s expectations of what the Messiah would be versus who Jesus actually is, more specifically what He was like when He was here on earth with us. So, for example, some people believed Jesus would be a conquering hero to overthrow the government or opposing forces (Psalm 2 and Daniel 2). “Instead, Jesus came as a servant king. One whose suffering brought forth the fullness of His reign not the conquering of others.” In the video, they outline that in this kingdom you:
Gain honor by serving
Instead of getting revenge, you forgive
Gain wealth by giving wealth
Now, I will be honest. I don’t think I ever really understood the opposition of Jesus until hearing this lesson this way. In my mind, Jesus seemed to fit the mold of Messiah perfectly; just enough rebel, capable of miracles, wise enough to know when to perform them, deeply in love with God, and knowledgeable about everything God ever said. Check, check, check. But duh, I was raised in a culture, in a world, that already believes Jesus to be the Messiah. There is seemingly no good argument against what we already believe. But imagine being raised in a culture that only has poems and prophecies to go on as a way of identifying the Savior of the world. There is the Spirit of course, but mostly everything up to this point has been dictated by law. This focus on the “spirit” of a person, place, or thing hasn’t become a cultural norm at this point, at least not in the way it is today in western culture. So imagine you’re following the rules, on the lookout for God’s “king on Zion” and instead you find the illegitimate son of a carpenter from a town of which it is said, “Can anything good come from there?” That would be enough to lose a third of the crowd. This message of the Upside Down Kingdom is enough to lose another third and this is all before the conversation about eating his flesh and drinking his blood (see John 6:53-58). But like everything else in life we need context. In order to understand any of this and all of it together, it requires that we lean into God’s word, to His Son, to His understanding. To understand we must trust, to trust we must know, to know we must connect. And that’s what I believe God has wanted from us all along, connection and relationship with us. From that very first animating breath in Adam’s lungs, God has wanted to be close to us. And through Jesus, He turned the world upside down to make it so.
Jesus Girl 