13 Things I Learned about Transformative Healing from Surgery

1. Ask questions– You are allowed to advocate for yourself. Ask lots of questions, there is no such thing as too many. And despite popular belief doctors do not know everything. If your doctor doesn’t have an answer perhaps another one will. Or maybe you have access to a health-care professional in your family. I’d steer clear of internet diagnoses but ask the professionals if they know of any vetted resources. It is okay to take time to organize your thoughts, but make time to circle back if something still feels unsettling or confusing to you. You are allowed to know what is going on with your own body.
2. Give yourself time to prepare– New health updates can be scary and overwhelming. Give yourself a minute to process what you are feeling. A shower, a bath, a walk. Take a moment to feel your feelings. God is not rocked by your anger, he is not shaken by your fear. He sees all, knows all, and still answers prayers. Need proof. Read Psalms.
3. Prepare yourself– I learned in this season that organization is both my love language and my coping mechanism. I like the structure. I like a plan. Even if the plan changes I like at least attempting to be part of the solution. God can tell me how much is too much, but it at least gives my hands something to do besides tremble.
4. Prepare your village– So, it turns you are not the only one feeling overwhelmed and lost, the people who love you feel the same. They want to help, but they don’t know how. Good thing you already started preparing yourself. Now you can use those lists and plans to help your village understand what you need from them. Did you know you can make a registry for your surgery? I put everything on mine; Miralx and Powerade for pre-surgery and comfy clothes and specialty pillows for post-surgery. Then I sent everyone the link. Even if they couldn’t purchase the items they could send me the money. I didn’t need to shop around because I already had the registry! I assigned people to get me to and from the hospital and sent what they needed to know to prepare. Take your time. You don’t have to do everything at once. Tackle one thing today and another tomorrow.
5. Read the bold and fine print– When you get scheduled for surgery you are going to get LOADS of paperwork. You do not have to read it all at once, but intentionally make time to read all of it. I know… so much paper. But honestly I felt so much more equipped after reading through everything the doctor and the hospital sent me. Specifically my doctor. I think the document she sent me was twenty eight pages long I did half one day and half another. I took notes wrote down questions, that way when I had my appointment I could get answers and clarification. I even asked her about my post-op-care regime. I see an acupuncturist as well and she had a list of things that she wanted me to do post surgery to maximize healing and avoid future issues. Because I had spoken to them both I could describe the treatments and get clarity on the best way to move forward with both doctor’s treatments.
6. Pray– I feel like my prayer life changed during this process. I think it is because my view of myself changed. Suddenly, I really was small and vulnerable. I really did need help from the people around me for everything. That return to childhood was a beautiful reminder that I am still a child of God. At that moment the need was obvious, but even when it isn’t the need still exists. The need to be seen, heard, loved, treated with tenderness and kindness. Healing made me see how undeniable those needs are.
7. Healing on the inside is just as important as healing on the outside– The thing about laparoscopic surgery is that ninety percent of what you are healing is on the inside of your body. The temptation is to believe that when those few incisions on your torso are healed you are healed as well. Falsehood. Those where the surface wounds, of course they healed fast. The real work, the real wounds are inside. It struck me how true this is of emotional work as well. You got your triggers under control, you polished up the old mask, you found a few new coping mechanisms, so the surface wounds seem under control. But the surface wounds are not the problem. Those are the things you can temper with a cup of tea and a good conversation with a friend. The inside work takes longer to heal and requires some radical and revolutionary tactics. Remember, therapy is dope.
8. Overconfidence-Don’t pull a stitch. As I said in the last point. Don’t be deceived by what you see. The bandages are off, the scars look simple and small now, but remember there are stitches inside as well. And since you can’t see them it’s better to treat yourself with gentle patience than to rush things and end up hurting yourself irreparably. Go slow. Be gentle. Treat yourself like your favorite baby cousin, niece, or nephew.
9. Sleep– It seems obvious if you’re healing. Duh. But it is so tempting to push yourself. What I got really good at during those early days of recovery was letting myself fall into naps. Wherever I was, whatever I was doing I just let myself sleep. Even if it was only for ten or fifteen minutes. My best friend said this thing once and it changed my life “Sleep begets sleep.” WHAT?! That’s genius. Take naps, they help you get better rest at night. Now, you need to learn what works best for your body. If your bedtime is 8-10pm a 5pm nap is probably a bad idea, unless you’re just going to sleep early, but give yourself permission to sleep often. Ladies this is specifically for you. In general men usually only need a place to sleep, while women generally needs the accomplishment of a completed task list to sleep soundly. But it’s a conspiracy ladies. Task lists only grow, they don’t get shorter. Sleep so you can take on that list like the boss you are.
10. Rest– Yes, sleep is different than rest. Sitting in one place while catching up on email, making phone calls, and even scrolling through TikTok is actually not rest. I know. But if your eyes or mind feel tired after doing it, then it probably isn’t restful. Rest is that pleasant pause after exertion. So, that sigh you feel after a walk or the stillness after you stretch, those are rest. Sit with your favorite beverage and take in a view. Journal for a bit. Let your mind wander and your imagination roam like when you were a kid. Meditate. Pray. Even if it is only for ten to fifteen minutes each day allow yourself to rest.
11. Activate– You are learning something in this time of healing. Use what you are learning. Take walks, move, wander, keep a dream/idea journal. Do something. It doesn’t have to be something big, in fact right now it is better if it is something small.
12. Your body really does want to work the right way, maybe it just needs some help– As I began to heal I realized how much I had healed. I kept thinking to myself, “Oh, Ina you really didn’t feel good, huh?” And I could tell because of how much better I feel now. I realized sickness is really a signal your body sends to say “Hey me, I’m not okay.” Your body really wants to be healthy. It really wants to operate at full capacity, but sometimes it just can’t. When it can’t it is my job to be patient and kind to me. To ask myself what is wrong, and to seek out the resources to help me get better. No one should be punished for their sickness or made to feel weak or small because of it. No one, including me (she said to every black woman ever).
13. Praise/Worship/Reflect (it’s a little circle)– Here is how I think about it, praise is the outward expression of my gratitude and love for God, it starts out and seeps in. Worship is my internal response to God’s presence and character, it starts inward and flows out. Reflection is my meditation on the culmination of all these things, it is a little whirlwind that starts inward and stays inward. I often think of the places in scripture where it says Mary treasured or pondered a thing in her heart. That is how I think of reflection. It’s like I was collecting things little by little, just because I liked the look of them, only to find out they were all small pieces of a bigger something when fit together. Get excited for those moments in this season of healing. The “ahas” and the “that’s what you meant God” moments. They are my favorite part of blessings, the reveal. And you only find them when you reflect.

Heal well friends!