Neighborly

I love God’s amazing sense of humor. I visited a friend in New Mexico a few weeks ago and on the flight, I watched a documentary on Fred Rogers Won’t You be my Neighbor. Such an amazing story of a life well lived. His life, to me, seemed so full and anchored in God’s love, for children specifically, but really for everyone. He was a true neighbor.

God must have wanted to prepare my heart for the neighborly kindness I was about to experience in Las Cruces New Mexico. First, the friend I was visiting so beautifully models the heart of the good Samaritan.  She doesn’t just host you she lavishes love, good food, conversation, and thoughtfulness on you. It became so apparent to me after my first night there that she had finally moved to a city full of “her people.” Dogs playing together, considerate engaging weight staff, fast friends in our fellow restaurant goers. I walked away from that first meal with new friends, a new perspective, and a satisfied tummy.

Everywhere I went I was greeted with smiles and politeness. But it was more than that, there was a genuine openness. For me, there was this sense that the people of Las Cruses sincerely wanted to make each other’s lives better. They care. That blew my mind, I think because I am from the South I assumed I was already getting neighborly affection. It wasn’t until I experienced the host at a delicious breakfast spot, Taste of Belgium, pointing out a slight incline in the floor to me as he walked me to my table that I began to recognize what I had been missing. My friend described it this way:

Ina, when people here ask how you are they don’t want the stock answer. They really want to know how you are. I would say something like “Oh, I’m just a little tired,” and someone would answer “Oh really, what’s going on?”

She said it even threw her off a bit at first, and I get it. We are all so used to editing our reports for conversational Cliff’s Notes, and now all of a sudden there are people who truly want to check in. These strangers want to be my neighbors. I’m not sure if there are words for how amazing that feels. And I believe this is why…

I believe all of humanity, all living breathing things want to be known. And when you take that extra five minutes to look someone in the eye, smile or listen to them you are actually communicating “I see you and acknowledge your value.” That means you have the power to affirm someone every time you make eye contact. What a tremendous superpower! I can hear the sensible reasoning mind now “But if I take five minutes with every person I meet I will never accomplish anything.” To which I would respond “Come on, you’re more creative than that.” In our efforts to become more neighborly here are three things worth remembering:

1. In the race against time don’t forget that in your pursuit to change the world people are unavoidable. Loving people is how you change the world. If you’re unwilling to make time for it I think you have to ask yourself if changing the world for the better is really your goal.
2. Quality, not quantity. I know this goes against everything we are taught in America, but especially when it comes to relationships it is so very true. No one in your life wants to feel like a checkmark on your “who to love” checklist. When you are with someone be with them whether it’s the mailperson, your spouse, or your co-worker be present. Trust me, three minutes of undivided attention is worth so much more than three hours of watching someone text and email. The people in your life don’t want your schedule, they want you.
3. Intimacy requires honesty. If you can’t do something admit it. If someone says they can’t do something accept it. I would prefer a frank yet uncomfortable conversation over an awkward and uncomfortable silence.