I quit my job. In May I prayerfully decided it was time for me to boldly pursue God wherever He wanted to take me next. Thankfully that next place was Barefoot, and for two months I had the most wonderful experiences with the most loving people. It was beyond anything I could ever have hoped, dreamed or imagined. Then I came home. And the house was quiet and familiar, and my schedule was clear, and there were no real pressing tasks outside of things that could be finished within a few days. You know, basic things; pay bills, clean the house, grocery shop.
Before I got home I was too busy to think about how much time I was going to have on my hands. All the moments I would have to rest and think. I already have to be very intentional about my thought life anyway. As a writer, my active imagination can get me in lots of trouble (see Writing to Save My Mind). There are three temptations that usually come with this kind of time-wealth:
- The temptation to fill the time, instead of letting God fill it.
- The temptation to worry.
- The temptation to time travel.
The danger of filling time myself is that I will miss out. When I go where God sends me instead of where I want to go there is always righteous work for me. Always someone I needed or someone who needed me, always some question that got answered or needs that were satisfied. Always some miracle I would have missed if I weren’t present in the now with Him. When I am not obedient, or when I am too “busy” to heed God’s call all that treasure passes me by.
Worry is pretty basic, humans do it like all the time, and for women, unfortunately, I have noticed it can kind of be a default setting; “What am I feeding everyone for dinner,” “How much money do I have saved? Is it enough?” Or those “If only” or “What if worries; “If only I were dating,” or “What if no one ever wants to date me?” They get in the way because while I’m obsessing over what could happen I am missing what is happening, right now. Even if it is just a butterfly in my backyard or a puppy licking up a spilled ice cream cone, either are infinitely better than the darkness of worry. And those things, unlike the worry, are real.
Time travel is a little different, still a form of worrying but much more creative. It basically means you get trapped in your mind about the past, or in some imagined scenario of the future. Both are dangerous and equally unproductive. They are both a misuse of your imagination. If you’re going to dream, dream into the light. Hope. Believe. Trust. Then, of course, write it down. That’s actually a good test. If the scenarios in your mind or the memories flashing behind your eyelids are not something you would want to write down and read every day for inspiration then they probably aren’t worth thinking either.
I am finding, with a great deal of help from the Holy Spirit, that the only way to heartily beat all of these internal foes is by planting myself firmly in the now. Giving myself permission to enjoy the now. Even if it isn’t particularly glamorous it is real, and it is mine. Here are 5 things I do to help myself honor the gift of right now:
- Remind yourself where you really are, ex. in my room, typing rhythmically, happy, content and a little hungry.
- Give yourself some small tasks. Easy, manageable goals.
- Be present while you complete them. Don’t waste time wishing you were doing something else. Find a way to enjoy the work.
- Check them off as you complete them.
- Mandate yourself to look up from those tasks every once in a while. Look around the room, step outside and look at the sky, the trees, the grass.
- Travel. It doesn’t always have to be far and you don’t have to go broke doing it, but if you have friends or family in a different city, pay them a visit. Sit in a new environment, have a new conversation, see old friends in a new way, because like I mentioned before new places bring a new perspective.
- Pray out loud how grateful you are for this moment in time and your surroundings, even if I don’t feel particularly grateful at the beginning of these prayers I have found that by the end wells of gratitude miraculously spring up.
So that’s it. A brief summary of the tremendous gifts I’ve been given this summer. I hope each post was a blessing to you and I pray you will join me for more future reflections. Until the next Friday…
Live well, love well,
Ina
Jesus Girl 