Braver still to be loved. 1 Corinthians 13
Sometimes I do really messy things, which make for really messy situations. The last thing I want to do is invite someone to come and play in my mess. But this is what real life requires. If every person waited to be cleaned up to connect with other people the whole world would be alone. In fact, I think this is probably one of the reasons why so many people in the world are already so lonely. There is this line in my book The House We Built,
“She was saying, I don’t care if you’re broken, so long as you let me see who you really are.”
I have always loved that line because it doesn’t feel written by me so much as written for me. That is hard to do. To let someone see you not the image you want to project but the real you, blemishes and all. It is so much easier said than done. When I first thought about this idea “braver still to be loved” God brought to mind one of my favorite crushes. There was this guy in my French class in high school, about a year younger than me (of course that means so much in high school) and he had one of the most adorably intense crushes on me. I need you to understand how rare this is, I can count on one hand the number of people I am aware of that have had crushes on me. It was so foreign to me that for the first couple of weeks I almost thought he was playing some sort of prank on me.
I’d like to pause here to point out that my issue is not now, nor was it then, a lack of confidence. I understand that I am beautiful, both inside and out, but I don’t trust others to see it, or at least not in a romantic way. Maybe a better way to say this is I don’t trust men to value what they see, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
My not-at-all secret admirer says that he can draw, naturally I want proof, and of course it couldn’t hurt to come in the form of a flattering picture of yours truly. So we’re in French class, clearly not paying attention at all and he draws me. It took a good bit if not all of the class period, and I’m so excited. Ready to see me through his eyes. I’m fantasizing about how he’ll probably leave out my flaws and hand me a beautiful interpretation of some Nubian princess. He finishes and like any artist is nervous about my reaction to his work. He hands it to me and if fantasies can crash land, mine definitely did. It was a great drawing, very realistic, but it looked like…me. In fact, it looked like me on a not cute day, which of course is what I actually looked like that day; bundled, no flattering clothes, no makeup. “This is who you like?” I thought to myself.
I can’t remember what I said. I’m sure I tried very hard not to take away from his work with my vanity, but I was maybe 15 or 16 so I’m not sure I did that well.
When I think about it now it seems like such an important lesson. Do you expect people to love only a caricature of you? Or, do you trust others to see exactly who you are and fall in love with her? Not a version you try to project but the real, belch out loud, temper tantrum having work in progress you really are. You may be brave enough to love someone, but are you brave enough to be loved by someone, flaws and all?
I pray I am Lord, I want to be. And I pray that being loved by You will teach me how to love and be loved by others, unconditionally. In Jesus name, Amen.
*Read 1 Corinthians 13 again, only this time think about it in the context of being loved, not just loving others. How does that change your mind about God? About yourself?
Jesus Girl 