Growing up is hard. No one ever prepares you for what the scars try to turn you into; angry, bitter, afraid. I think the worst for me is numb. When you can’t feel anything at all good or bad. You can’t even tell you’re turning into a monster because you can’t feel any of the prongs and pricks that warn you. You spend so much time thinking “it’s them, they’re after me, out to get me even” when all along it’s you. You are, we are, I am the problem. So afraid you were raising your gun I fired mine. So afraid I’ll be left out I isolate and push others away. The truth is I need you, but I’m afraid of you too. You punch so hard. I know you’re just doing what I’m doing, trying to protect yourself. But why can’t we just say that? Recognize that we are not the enemy, these reckless feelings are. Why can we never just love instead of fight? Care more for each other than our own pride. We need that.
This song by Jason Gray has been essential in helping me recognize when I am pulling away from those I need most. It helps me laugh at myself and the absurdity of believing I can live this life alone. I hope it helps you.
Jesus Girl 